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Utter Rubbish  This thread currently has 63,228 views. Print
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chemicalboy
October 6, 2012, 3:51pm Report to Moderator

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My favourite topic from the old forum - sadly not brought back by Clint so I'm basically stealing this off of him .

Again....just in case anybody is in any doubt as to who is the svengali of this topic is then its CLINT  

Let the rubbish begin.........
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UnclePeter42
October 6, 2012, 11:04pm Report to Moderator
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Don't know how this one works but I'll say X-Factor.
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Mikedepaz
October 7, 2012, 3:12am Report to Moderator

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I put the lotion in basket, and all is good now


Am I In Tomorrows World or in a Sweltering Violet Flame? oh look- World Be Gone!
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Pughie
October 7, 2012, 8:18am Report to Moderator

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It did clear it up,but it left a rash on my bottom


Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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dannylee
October 7, 2012, 8:22am Report to Moderator

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It stung to say the least


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chemicalboy
October 7, 2012, 4:41pm Report to Moderator

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Predictions made by a buffoon.......
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OomphPoomftie
October 7, 2012, 4:57pm Report to Moderator

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Go on, rub toothpaste into yer Harry Radds, it'll no hurt, honest....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
October 7, 2012, 5:51pm Report to Moderator

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Energy saving light bulbs


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chemicalboy
October 8, 2012, 5:13pm Report to Moderator

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His leg was at least five metres near to mine so I fell over in the box and rolled around like I'D BEEN RUN OVER BY A TRUCK.
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dannylee
October 8, 2012, 6:17pm Report to Moderator

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The end was buffed to an inch of its life.


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OomphPoomftie
October 8, 2012, 6:48pm Report to Moderator

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Don't point that thing at me, she said....then she came.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
October 8, 2012, 8:23pm Report to Moderator

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It will be nice to have it on the veranda


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Pughie
October 9, 2012, 9:48am Report to Moderator

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I slightly moved it to the left,and the whole top just exploded in my hand!!


Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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dannylee
October 9, 2012, 12:52pm Report to Moderator

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I'm just not as enthusiastic about it as I once was


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chemicalboy
October 9, 2012, 8:07pm Report to Moderator

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2 Mr Bunny's.
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dannylee
October 9, 2012, 9:24pm Report to Moderator

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Careful, it's gone in my eye!


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OomphPoomftie
October 12, 2012, 8:03am Report to Moderator

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Charlotte's a Harlot, dresses in Scarlet....Mary dresses in Green..


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
October 12, 2012, 11:09am Report to Moderator

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I'm raiding the fridge, and breaking into the freezer


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chemicalboy
October 12, 2012, 5:07pm Report to Moderator

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I put the chickens breasts into the chicken bra......
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dannylee
October 12, 2012, 7:27pm Report to Moderator

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Wearing glasses in the rain


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UnclePeter42
October 12, 2012, 11:02pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from OomphPoomftie
Charlotte's a Harlot, dresses in Scarlet....Mary dresses in Green..


We used to have payslips at work that were sealed and went though a dot matrix printer. Some details, those on the outside were printed with ink. Others just had the printer head strike to trigger the crazy magic cc paper inside. If you wrote on the outside it would transfer inside. If you put some paper on top on the payslip and wrote the pressure would transfer it inside but leave the outside unmarked. So, if you wrote "Charlotte the harlotte takes it up the ar*e" you wouldn't see it until you open it. Someone did that and it's one of the best stories I have from 12 years at my current workplace!


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chemicalboy
October 13, 2012, 8:59am Report to Moderator

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Jim 'fixed' it for me.........
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dannylee
October 13, 2012, 6:32pm Report to Moderator

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You show me yours and I'll..........have a laugh  


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OomphPoomftie
October 14, 2012, 5:28am Report to Moderator

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Oi, Oi, Oi......Steady.... >


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
October 14, 2012, 8:26am Report to Moderator

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Give me that and I shall return it tenfold.................as a swan


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OomphPoomftie
October 15, 2012, 1:39am Report to Moderator

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Does yer upstairs landing match yer downstairs lobby, love??


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
October 15, 2012, 7:18am Report to Moderator

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If you rub it here a "Genie" pops out the end


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chemicalboy
October 15, 2012, 6:24pm Report to Moderator

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The decision on cages is taking ages.....
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dannylee
October 15, 2012, 7:02pm Report to Moderator

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Cheeky Monkey has lost his banana!  Can you help to guide him through the maze to find it?


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Biffo
October 15, 2012, 7:27pm Report to Moderator

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I see the smut has crept in. Be aware, Biffo is now a teetotal, strict Baptist Presbytarian


GG4B
Try To Feel The Splendour Of it All.
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dannylee
October 15, 2012, 8:31pm Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Biffo
I see the smut has crept in.......


Smut? Only if you take it that way!



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OomphPoomftie
October 18, 2012, 6:20am Report to Moderator

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Piss Off Rossssss!


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
October 18, 2012, 5:51pm Report to Moderator

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A massive increase in Spam e-mails recently - so much so I wish to publicly announce that - I DO NOT NEED A SHORT TERM LOAN FOR A PENIS ENLARGEMENT JUST BEFORE I TAKE OUT A LOCAL MILF NAMED DONNA TO CELEBRATE MY PPI CLAIMBACK VICTORY - F*CK OFF THE LOT OF YOU!!!!!! > > > >
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dannylee
October 18, 2012, 8:15pm Report to Moderator

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Don't sugar coat it!


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Pughie
October 19, 2012, 9:44am Report to Moderator

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Quoted from dannylee
Don't sugar coat it!


No its a lot better with breadcrumbs



Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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chemicalboy
October 19, 2012, 6:26pm Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Pughie


No its a lot better with breadcrumbs



I was actually thinking machine gun......grrrrrrrrrr
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dannylee
October 19, 2012, 6:48pm Report to Moderator

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Never had 1million candles but I am sure they are brighter then my damn torch  


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Pughie
October 20, 2012, 2:47pm Report to Moderator

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Quoted from dannylee
Never had 1million candles but I am sure they are brighter then my damn torch  


You don't need a million candles anymore just a flaming battenburg tattoo



Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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dannylee
October 20, 2012, 6:26pm Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Pughie


You don't need a million candles anymore just a flaming battenburg tattoo



Oops, I didn't realise this was part of Rod's act  .  Also it looks like my torch needs replacing, they do 10 million now!  


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chemicalboy
October 21, 2012, 1:36pm Report to Moderator

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Doom and Gloom......
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suec
October 21, 2012, 3:20pm Report to Moderator

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Waterloo road
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Pughie
October 21, 2012, 3:36pm Report to Moderator

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to the cooler!


Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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OomphPoomftie
October 22, 2012, 5:11am Report to Moderator

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X-Factor feckin' Deadlock Pish!


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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OomphPoomftie
October 22, 2012, 5:22am Report to Moderator

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X-Factor feckin' Deadlock Pish! Basically, what i'm actually tryin to say is, Kiss Ma Swingers ITV....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
October 23, 2012, 4:06pm Report to Moderator

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Wiggle.
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OomphPoomftie
October 23, 2012, 4:53pm Report to Moderator

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Knicky-Knacky-Knoo


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
October 23, 2012, 5:29pm Report to Moderator

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Where did you get the tent from?


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OomphPoomftie
October 25, 2012, 7:02am Report to Moderator

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Just sayin', wind it right in Honkytonk.



Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
October 26, 2012, 2:54pm Report to Moderator

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We've finished.

When I say finished what I actually mean is we have done a bit.

Ok, ok. We've not even started yet and have done the equivelant of 'F*ck All'.

HAPPY NOW??????????????
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OomphPoomftie
October 26, 2012, 6:14pm Report to Moderator

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There's a jobby in yer lobby...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
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Always looks bigger from the side.


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chemicalboy
October 26, 2012, 7:06pm Report to Moderator

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I treat it like a hamster because it's covered in fur and only pops out once in a while......
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OomphPoomftie
October 27, 2012, 9:19am Report to Moderator

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I honestly slipped onto the vacuum nozzle whilst doing my chores.....naked of course.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
October 27, 2012, 9:20am Report to Moderator

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Can you get milk from a milkman?
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OomphPoomftie
October 27, 2012, 9:27am Report to Moderator

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You mean you actually get out of the shower to pee? Ya radge!


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
October 27, 2012, 9:32am Report to Moderator

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OomphPoomftie
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Can you undertake an undertaker???


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
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Should you poke someone playing poker with a poker?


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chemicalboy
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You can mop a Moped if you want



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chemicalboy
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Can you break a breaker?


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Outsourcing.
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Carpet cleaner


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Working on Halloween  
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Discumknockerated.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
November 1, 2012, 5:08pm Report to Moderator

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Jim fixed it for me to milk a cow in the dark.
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OomphPoomftie
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The Pearl Necklace i gave her, was not the one wot she was expecting.....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Pughie
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Quoted from chemicalboy
Jim fixed it for me to milk a cow in the dark.


But he ruined that as i got no milk just yoghurt.



Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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Karaoke tunes with the totally wrong lyrics....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Dunfermline Athletic Football Club's Directors... Bunch o' feckin' no good,  lousy, stinkin' crooks, and yes, you can quote me on that.... >


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........................more grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.................and then some more grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. > > >
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Zip it.  
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In app purchases


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I'm A Feckin' 'Celebrity'.....Boost My Flagging Career...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Xfactor
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Ram it up yer flue...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Christmas Mince Pies with a best before date of November 27th....shockeroony.  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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I'll give you that many lefts, you'll be begging for a right, I'll hit you that often, you'll think you're surrounded.  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Others.
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Hairy Walloper 'n' Bawsack


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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T----O----O----T----H----A----C----H----E..............
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dannylee
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Slankets............no, i don't have one!


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The Adventures & Mis-Adventures Of Noofter Poomftie ... All entirely fictional characaters & storylines, but what journey.  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
December 1, 2012, 3:06pm Report to Moderator

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Our town's Christmas decorations.


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Biffo
December 1, 2012, 10:30pm Report to Moderator

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I dunno if my town has any. Never go down there. It's a sh$thole.


GG4B
Try To Feel The Splendour Of it All.
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OomphPoomftie
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Snaw, with roads like skatin' rinks.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Quoted from Biffo
I dunno if my town has any. Never go down there. It's a sh$thole.


We must live in the same place then....
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OomphPoomftie
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Royal 'Variety' Performance....pure pish.  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
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Quoted from OomphPoomftie
Royal 'Variety' Performance....pure pish.  


Dancing dogs


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OomphPoomftie
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Aye well apart from Pudsey, admittedly that wiz gid!


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Smell my finger and tell me which member of your family it reminds you of............
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chemicalboy
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Procrastination.
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OomphPoomftie
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Did you take a shite in ma kettle??


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
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Quoted from OomphPoomftie
Did you take a shite in ma kettle??


No but I put my wang in the toaster  


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OomphPoomftie
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Quoted from dannylee


No but I put my wang in the toaster  



Note to self, if Dannylee offers you hot buttered toast, politely decline, maintain eye contact and back out his house slowly....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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OomphPoomftie
December 12, 2012, 10:58am Report to Moderator

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Egregious...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
December 15, 2012, 1:10pm Report to Moderator

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Christmas F*cking Shopping.
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Strictly Come Mince


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
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Quoted from chemicalboy
Christmas F*cking Shopping.


Where can you buy that?


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OomphPoomftie
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Deck yer balls with bows of holly...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
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Quoted from OomphPoomftie
Deck yer balls with bows of holly...


and shove a Christmas tree up your..........jumper



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chemicalboy
December 18, 2012, 9:12pm Report to Moderator

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Ding-dong merrily on dobber...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Quoted from dannylee


Where can you buy that?


At the "Daniel Miller Porn Emporium" situated in Erasureville.
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dannylee
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Drivers and zebra crossings  >


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chemicalboy
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Mayan Calander


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
December 22, 2012, 9:49am Report to Moderator

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Quoted from OomphPoomftie
Mayan Calander


You never know could be a few days out (if my watch is anything to go by)


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OomphPoomftie
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Bruce Forsyth's Syrup of Fig or Irish Jig.  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
December 23, 2012, 7:36pm Report to Moderator

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It was left a little loose and slighty soiled.....
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Pughie
December 24, 2012, 12:38pm Report to Moderator

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Its Christmas???,well no-one mentioned it to me.


Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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chemicalboy
December 28, 2012, 10:54am Report to Moderator

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Biffo
December 28, 2012, 10:58pm Report to Moderator

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Best with stuffing either way.


GG4B
Try To Feel The Splendour Of it All.
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OomphPoomftie
December 29, 2012, 11:07am Report to Moderator

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Pop-It-In-Pete The Postman....the things i've had rammed through my letterbox this christmas i'll tell you...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Pughie
December 29, 2012, 11:17am Report to Moderator

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Quoted from OomphPoomftie
Pop-It-In-Pete The Postman....the things i've had rammed through my letterbox this christmas i'll tell you...


Its all in the training,i especially like the 'do not bend' A4 sized card backed envelopes .... they are mostly 1cm wider
than most letterboxes ..... i still get them through,its an art you know.



Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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chemicalboy
December 29, 2012, 11:50am Report to Moderator

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OomphPoomftie
December 31, 2012, 2:48pm Report to Moderator

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Sir Rodney Effing, with two f's.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
January 1, 2013, 1:21pm Report to Moderator

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Pughie
January 1, 2013, 2:20pm Report to Moderator

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My New Years Eve consisted of one can of Strongbow Pear,and a major falling asleep until 11.40 when i had to wake up
to say Happy New Year to the other half.




Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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chemicalboy
January 2, 2013, 8:04pm Report to Moderator

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Sorry, I'm coughing over you and I have a bug. Opps, I've coughed over you again. And again.......
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OomphPoomftie
January 3, 2013, 5:17pm Report to Moderator

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Of course i love you...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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dannylee
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....it's me or the dog?


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Carrier bags with holes, pickin up dog poo   not good
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OomphPoomftie
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Tiddly-winks old man, suck a lemon if you can, if you can't suck a lemon, suck an old tin can.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Why is trying to buy a lightbulb an Olympic sport these days?


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chemicalboy
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Quoted from dannylee
Why is trying to buy a lightbulb an Olympic sport these days?


I don't know but you can guarentee that the BBC will televise it and the main 'lightbulbchangerer' will win Sports Personality of The Year.....
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Splash on ITV' utter pish!!


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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My bl**dy printer!


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Una messa, para quattro, por favor


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Top banntur, great chat.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Medication


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Did that milk just shake?


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Doesn't that cheese look board?
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I whipped the life out of that cream.


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Quoted from dannylee
I whipped the life out of that cream.


The oldies are the best  

On second thoughts why does that cream smell of cheese?


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chemicalboy
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I'd love to take a dip in my "Whirlpool"


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Bum tit, tit, bum tit, tit, play the hairy banjo.  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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All fluffed up with nowhere to go


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Erasureinfo.com is back online...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Pughie
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Quoted from OomphPoomftie
Erasureinfo.com is back online...





You git!....... You got me a good one there  



Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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Full of cold  
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Argos' supposedly improved computerised queuing system.


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Ma Laddies taste in music, pure pish.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Enjoy the Sol beyond Chris.
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My biggest mistake as an undertaker was the day we did the 'Harlem Shake'......
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They don't like it 'em sir, they don't like it up 'em


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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You ruddy ignorant coolee, how dare you insult us British


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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glass of water for Mr Grainger...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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On the chest of a barmaid from Sale,

Is tattooed all the prices of ale,

Whilst on her behind,

For the sake of the blind,

Is precisely the same, but in braille.




Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW RAIN SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW >
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Pughie
March 22, 2013, 9:04pm Report to Moderator

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Chemical boy is it snowing?


Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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chemicalboy
March 23, 2013, 4:56pm Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Pughie
Chemical boy is it snowing?


Might be!
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chemicalboy
March 28, 2013, 8:04pm Report to Moderator

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March 29, 2013, 11:37am Report to Moderator

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Who can hold their head under the water the longest without drowning, competition.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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March 29, 2013, 5:21pm Report to Moderator

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Day 1 - wasted.
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Low alcohol wine


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Decaff Coffee


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
March 31, 2013, 11:08am Report to Moderator

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We Buy Any Car Dot Com pay top price for your car....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
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Drilling


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April 12, 2013, 5:16pm Report to Moderator

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Go for new tyres and end up needing new springs, discs and pads. Ouch.
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dannylee
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Quoted from chemicalboy
Go for new tyres and end up needing new springs, discs and pads. Ouch.


Now you know why you needed new tyres!  


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OomphPoomftie
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photo I'd driving licenses....£20 renewal....I know what I look like, thanks.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
April 13, 2013, 3:09pm Report to Moderator

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Rules 1&2 of Pughie's new forum as stated in the five word story thread.
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dannylee
April 13, 2013, 3:26pm Report to Moderator

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Quoted from chemicalboy
Rules 1&2 of Pughie's new forum as stated in the five word story thread.


Rule 3 is not much better, but No.1 is going to be the killer.


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OomphPoomftie
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Rules are for fools who act like tools who sit on stools....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Good Moaning, i was pissing by your coffee when i heard two shats.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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WBSHSSAAOPWIHTHEEWAMSSM!
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Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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The recent epidemic of famous rapists and kiddie fiddlers.
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EIS site is finally up and running and looking superb.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Emergency chairs and dodgy wall paper pasting tables.


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She sells sea shells on the sea shore, the shells she sells are sea shells for sure.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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7


Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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A feckin pair o' wimmins knickers.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Can nobody get a poss in piss around 'ere


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Do you not see that if you kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug,

then you need not light the candle with the handle on the gateau from the chateau!




Simple plans are always the best....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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My Uncle Bill last Christmas, he drank too much Spumanti, he slid doon the bannister, now he is my auntie....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Love on the rocks.....it hurts her bum.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Fabricated lies


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I have often walked down this street before, and it was just today i noticed that you have no front door.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Manchester City.
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As the male sheep said to the female sheep when the barn went on fire....let's get the flock outta here.  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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I've got more on. More on I tell thee.
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Solar powered torch


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Playing hoopla with donuts in an aroused state...Chemicalboy has some weird party games...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Buying mini-donuts....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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You donuts  


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That was NEVER confirmed.....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Nor disproved either!  


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I'll admit to bein slightly bonkers......but happy with it!  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Smells like teen spirit, or just B.O.?  


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Oooh Bodyform for comfort,  Bodyform for confidence, Bodyform for youuuuuuu...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Because you're worth it!  Or so you think  


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Tampax mega absorbant.....for when her dabs are like the Niagara Falls....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Do you have a cloth?
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I spy with my little eye something beginning with "C"?


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After years locked away in my laboratory I have finally invented a small flat case containing two reels and a length of magnetic tape that winds between them, to be used in audio and video players and as a medium for storing data in digital form. I am going to call this invention - the I-cassette.
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Do you put an I-cassette in I-player?


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♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ Great I-dea!!♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫
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I-think you's two are 3 sandwiches short of a picnic!


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Chemicalboy, looks like you are only getting one sarnie


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I will disappear down the back pissage like a phantom of the noot


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Help! I can't get my shoes off!  


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Good moaning, I have a massage for Ronnie....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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But does it come in pink?


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If only I hadn't played with it so much it wouldn't have dropped off....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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You made the mess' you can clean it up....and mind wash her hands afterwards.  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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"mummy,mummy can I lick the bowl?"

"no ou can't,flush it like everyone else!"


Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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Has anyone seen the British summer time? It has been missing for a number of years now and is presumed dead.
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Bl**dy BT, have no phone or internet. Having to use my mobile   >

....and now the angry smilie won't work for me!


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New website coming soon!  Yeah so's Christmas Tricky Dicky.....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Silence of the crowd.
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Half pissed socks


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Shaved bollocks in cammy knickers  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Quoted from dannylee
Bl**dy BT, have no phone or internet. Having to use my mobile   >

....and now the angry smilie won't work for me!


!#%^*!$!^*^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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OomphPoomftie
May 19, 2013, 12:53am Report to Moderator

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BT's brilliant, superb fast' quick-as-ye-like, before-ye-know-it Broadband......except at Dannylee's hoose....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
May 19, 2013, 7:20pm Report to Moderator

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Sabotaging Dannylee's broadband.
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Quoted from chemicalboy
Sabotaging Dannylee's broadband.


It's back for the time being.  The engineer said it definitely reported a fault originally, but now it seems to be ok.

Now we both know why  


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OomphPoomftie
May 19, 2013, 10:00pm Report to Moderator

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The time sponsored by Accurist will be 8.12 and 30 seconds...beep..beep..beep


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
May 19, 2013, 10:16pm Report to Moderator

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Small sheds


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OomphPoomftie
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Going for a drive thru on a bicycle.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
May 20, 2013, 5:22pm Report to Moderator

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A fistfull of sequins.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
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Kentucky Fried Gator


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Ouvert poofery.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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suec
May 21, 2013, 10:03am Report to Moderator

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When good times come to an end
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I'm walking backwards for christmas, over the Irish sea...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
May 21, 2013, 4:55pm Report to Moderator

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Good god - I'm amazing.
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The Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies by Van Klomp.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
May 22, 2013, 7:09pm Report to Moderator

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Oh will these damn lights ever change?  You've just been reading an excerpt from my new book,  Forever Amber.  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
May 23, 2013, 7:21pm Report to Moderator

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Pop the kettle on love, tell your mother we're 'ere.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
May 24, 2013, 8:18pm Report to Moderator

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Stop. Code 980. Stop. 03. Stop. Code 980. Stop. Code 00.
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Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, elbow, elbow, tap, tap....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Erasureinfo.com


Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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I've got a lugubrious lyric for you...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Hsibbur Rettu
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"Well ye kin ram that right up yer simmit!"


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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3 days, 3 visits to the cash cow.
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OomphPoomftie
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Just because a man likes a bit of shape to his eyebrows and knows all the moves to Dancing Queen,
You accuse him of being a receiver of swollen goods? How very dare you....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Barbequing under an umbrella.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
May 28, 2013, 7:14pm Report to Moderator

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OomphPoomftie
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"Who's in charge here?"


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
May 28, 2013, 9:50pm Report to Moderator

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Been there many times before


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OomphPoomftie
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The diction wasn't very good.....


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
May 28, 2013, 10:15pm Report to Moderator

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There spelling and grammer is not good ether


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OomphPoomftie
May 28, 2013, 10:19pm Report to Moderator

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If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, stop exaggerating...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
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The picture just fell to the floor


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OomphPoomftie
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Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair, said Simple Simon to the pie man' "give us a pie ya greedy basturt"


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
May 29, 2013, 6:38pm Report to Moderator

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Who?
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Mary had a little lamb, it wouldn't stop it's gruntin', i took it behind a hedge one day, and kicked it's little head in.......and you thought i was gonna say teeth...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Pourquoi?
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OomphPoomftie
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Guinness say kwah??


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Friendly internationals.
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OomphPoomftie
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i'm only 81 posts behind ya SENGA.  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Must.....keep.....posting.........
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I'm on it.....careful, i'll do the jokes.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
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Nothing like a spot of pig wrestling to pass the time


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OomphPoomftie
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Well I came 5 minutes sgo, would you mind getting off me now, I'm in need of some shut-eye...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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I will never post in the wrong thread.
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Yes, but I've always done it this way!


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chemicalboy
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The price of cushions.
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Cherry Coke


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Goodness gracious, great balls of belly button fluff.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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The boy stood on the burning deck, eating red hot scallops,

One went down his trouser front and burnt him on the ankle...

Never went near his bollocks.  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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June.
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I'd walk a million miles......to get rid of these piles....my mammmy!!


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Surely my bum looks big in this!


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OomphPoomftie
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No i won't be a Nun, i will live a life of pleasure, no i won't be a Nun, no i won't be a Nun...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
June 1, 2013, 7:04pm Report to Moderator

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Britain's Got Talent.
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OomphPoomftie
June 1, 2013, 9:19pm Report to Moderator

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On call and sober on a Saturday night watching BGT, it really doesn't get any worse.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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OomphPoomftie
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Dannylee's 1000th post is but 6 away.......it's gonna be momentous, and perhaps a small prize should be bestowed upon him??  


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
June 1, 2013, 9:28pm Report to Moderator

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Quoted from OomphPoomftie
On call and sober on a Saturday night watching BGT, it really doesn't get any worse.


Turn off the phone, have a drink, but more importantly turn the TV over!


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OomphPoomftie
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Quoted from dannylee


Turn off the phone, have a drink, but more importantly turn the TV over!



Well i would but nae doot someone would require my professional services if i did!

TV turned over to Britain's Got More Talent....i'm so needing to have a word with myself....



Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Quoted from OomphPoomftie

........ professional services.


**Makes no obvious comment. **
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Bored now


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OomphPoomftie
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Quoted from chemicalboy


**Makes no obvious comment. **



I am a Funeral Director on call every 2nd weekend check out ma website, there's even a fetching photo of me! (Well, not reallly)


http://www.johnstoddartfunerals.co.uk


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
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Shaving


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dannylee
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Quoted from OomphPoomftie



I am a Funeral Director on call every 2nd weekend check out ma website, there's even a fetching photo of me! (Well, not reallly)


http://www.johnstoddartfunerals.co.uk


Left or right?


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chemicalboy
June 2, 2013, 3:27pm Report to Moderator

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Pughie
June 2, 2013, 5:19pm Report to Moderator

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Quoted from dannylee


Left or right?


The photo gallery was a letdown,not a single corpse to be seen.


Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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OomphPoomftie
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Quoted from Pughie


The photo gallery was a letdown,not a single corpse to be seen.




Dannylee, that's me on the left, older brother on the right, i've since had a haircut and shave...



Pughie, the clients were out the back on deckchairs....





Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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Pughie
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Quoted from OomphPoomftie




Dannylee, that's me on the left, older brother on the right, i've since had a haircut and shave...



Pughie, the clients were out the back on deckchairs....





No doubt relaxing with a stiff drink.


Am i in Wonderland or Tomorrow's World Be Gone
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OomphPoomftie
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Very good Boss!

We're easy to find, in the dead centre of town' it's a dying trade, people are just dying to see us, everyday we let folk down...

All these and many more have quoted over the years...


Back on topic...

I met the wife in the tunnel of love....she was digging it.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
June 3, 2013, 7:00pm Report to Moderator

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Norton renewal prices - at least twice the amount to renew rather than buy the same product again.
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OomphPoomftie
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Curried Chickpeas making me cough in my pants...


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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OomphPoomftie
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"The bar doesn't stock Malibu"


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
June 4, 2013, 10:13pm Report to Moderator

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Wrapping presents


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OomphPoomftie
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It's a fine night for singing.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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Penalty
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OomphPoomftie
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and the watermelon was grown in infested waters and she suffered the most terrible dysantry.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
June 5, 2013, 10:11pm Report to Moderator

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and after a period of absence he returned with a big grin


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OomphPoomftie
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And if you even attempt to put it up there I'll bite it off and put it up yours.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
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Put that back where it came from before dad sees it


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dannylee
June 5, 2013, 10:32pm Report to Moderator

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How many light bulbs does it take to ruin a joke


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OomphPoomftie
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I'll make smile on the other side of your face...what are you gonna do, slash me??


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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dannylee
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Does it come with a remote control?


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OomphPoomftie
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Oh you've finished, sorry.


Yes folks, this is a big one, the high...light of the week. The Holiday Princess Competition..Now, now Dad, put down those Field Glasses.  
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chemicalboy
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When I said I hoped you would turn out like my mum, I didn't mean by shagging my dad.
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OomphPoomftie
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